Parenting Book Review: The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness

Review of: The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, Five steps to help kids create and sustain lifelong joy by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.

I have been toting around this book all summer and can't renew it from the library any more times so it is time to finish it and write up the review before my fines starting building up.  This book has taken me so long to get through in part because I have had so many other books on my shelf to read but mostly because I have found it to be very poignant and haven't wanted to rush through it. Hallowell makes many great points, each of which I wanted to take some time to appreciate, think about and try with my family before reading on.

The book begins with helping us define what we ultimately as parents all want for our kids, happiness. It suggests looking back at your own childhood to discover what moments and what parenting skills brought happiness to your life. In turn, what do you wish you had more of? Hallowell believes that being happy requires two important skills, 1) the ability to overcome adversary and 2) the ability to create and sustain joy.  In my own past research of child resiliency I have noted the same concept. The child who is able to come out of terrible circumstances and succeed usually has a strong inner locus of control, a belief that he can determine his own fate. Having one or more people in his life that believe in and care about him is key as well.

Even kids that grow up in secure homes with financial advantages need to develop skills to create their own happiness. As Hallowell states, "we help our children most by helping them help themselves." As parents we gain so much. "Children disturb and distract us in all the ways we need to be disturbed and distracted. They get us to come out and play. The make us laugh, even when we try not to. They show us that there is more to life than getting ahead or getting sleep. They require our help. They make us improvise. They show us how to take delight in the mundane ways we had long ago forgotten. They make us exercise. They prevent us from getting set in our ways. They tease us. Finally they give us adults that elusive gift called meaning". I love that! Although it is not always easy to hold on to all that we gain when we also have to give so much.  As parents, we hold a huge responsibility to take care of our child's needs and help them grow into happy adults. Meeting the challenges of this responsibility is hard. Making the best choices is complex. So, I often turn to parenting books for guidance and felt that Hallowell effectively researched and wrote about what is most important for us to focus on.

I highly recommend reading this book for a more in depth discussion and helpful examples from Hallowell's own parenting experiences. As busy as I know you all are, hopefully this synopsis will offer some ideas and focus for your parenting.

1) Connection
The most important thing we can give to our child is unconditional love. Hallowell states that "when you let yourself love, as a parent, when you show up, in the moment, and let yourself love, as you watch a soccer games; or carry the birthday cake; or wave good-bye to the group that is heading off in the bus to camp- at all those times, you let die a part of you that used to come first. Not only that, you let yourself love totally and completely, knowing all the while that separation will come."

It seems on the surface that loving our children unconditionally should be a given. For some, though, the fear of loving and losing may hold us back. For others the daily distractions and responsibilities of life keep us from showing up. What we gain by putting our own fears, needs, distractions aside and truly spending time loving and being with our children is so worth it!

Hallowell describes in detail methods and tips for loving unconditionally. Below I will share some of his ideas but I think the most important piece is making loving a top priority.

Where to focus:
- Be present during key times in the day- in the morning, after school, dinner, bedtime;
- Have high (but realistic) expectations for school performance;
- Engage in your child's activities on a regular basis;
- If you are working, chose child care providers and settings that take care of your children lovingly;
- Be able to read your children and know who needs love and when. "You can see it, you can feel it, you can even hear it when a child is not getting enough love. On the other hand, if you smother your child and provide too much, you can see that too. At any given time you can probably tell which child needs you the most. Go towards that child."; 
- Set limits and boundaries. "Sometimes you show your love by saying no.";
- Teach about responsibility through chore;
- Help children discover what their interests and skills and
- Read aloud to your children for as long as you can.

Helping your child connect to other areas in their lives is equally as important. Provide opportunities and assist your child in developing the skills needed to connect to:
- Friends
- Their neighborhood
- Their community
- Activities and Sports
- Nature
- Arts
- Their past and family history
- Institutions and organizations


2) Play
Hallowell defines play as "being able to make creative use of time no matter where you are or what you are doing." A few weeks ago at the end of a long vacation day my five year old was in tears when he learned it was bedtime. "But, I didn't have anytime to play." My husband and I looked at each other confused. That day we had gone for a long hike and to a playground. Coincidentally, I read Hallowell's chapter on play that night and better understood my son's disappointment. More and more we are over scheduling our children's lives with activities and outings and dismissing the importance of allowing time for play. For my son, these days play mainly involves Legos  but the worlds and adventures he and his brother create are in-depth, creative and completely engaging. It is important to create time and safe places for our children to play.

Youth sports and other activities can also teach our children important skills such as how to maintain play throughout their lives. Without diving too far into my opinions about today's youth sports culture (maybe a future blog), I will just say that parents play an important role in ensuring that our kids are having fun in the sports they play. Be an advocate for maintaining recess and gym class at your child's school. Relearn how to play as adult and participate with your child. Remember that humor is play and create fun in your family time.

3) Practice
Hallowell describes practice as the way from play to mastery. "Structure and discipline unlock the door to talent"  One of the most obvious forms of practice, I hear parents talk about is practicing an instrument. Their child will enthusiastically want to learn how to play the violin, piano, drums. Yet when it comes to practicing, the battles begin. I enjoyed how Hallowell wrote on this subject because of its' balanced approach.  Practicing should not be torture for the child or parent but it is a means to an end and traveling that road is not always enjoyable. He suggests that parents "have an infectious and positive attitiude about practice." If, as Hallowell says, "we want to practice what we love," we need to remind our children of what they love and what their goals are. He also suggests pointing to successful people in the field and discussing how they worked hard and had to practice to get to where they are now. 

A friend recently shared that she had also taken up a new instrument, the viola, when her daughter started playing the violin. Wow! Sharing that learning experience and all the frustrations and joys that go with it, is being a truly remarkable parent! Still she was concerned about how much she should push her daughter to practice when she doesn't want to or when to let her give up altogether. I think she will navigate those waters just fine being engaged, being a cheerleader, bringing in fun and humor, offering tips based on her own experience and working with her child to figure out how to get over the seemingly insurmountable mountains that will arise along the way. If and when it is time to put the violin away for soccer or theater or chess club, it will probably be a hard decision but one made together.

The frustrations and obstacles to practice often stem from fear of making mistakes or not being good enough. It is a tough thing to teach our children to conquer these fears when so many of us, as adults, have them as well. My August Usborne Book of the Month, Jonathan James and the Whatif Monster superbly describes the voices in our heads that prevent us from trying new things as well as inspiration to overcome the voices.

4) Mastery
Hallowell writes, "My definition of a great teacher is a person who can lead another person to mastery. The best parents are great teachers. If there is any greater joy than achieving mastery yourself, it may be the joy of leading a child to it...As parents, we get the chance to so this in many ways every day. All the minor tasks we take for granted- from telling time to tying shoes to putting on nail polish- are new and at first impossible for our children. For a child any of these tasks can begin as a source of frustration and even shame but with a parent's guidance can turn into a source of mastery and joy."

I agree wholeheartedly with Hallowell about the joy we as parents feel when we witness our child mastering something for the first time. After months of soccer practices and games and into his second season, when our son scored his first goal, you would have thought that we had just won the Olympics. My husband and I were elated and my son fell right over with pride and happiness.

Those moments stick with our children. "Repeated experiences of mastery help build an attitude of optimism, " Hallowell says. Optimism and belief that we can succeed when we try hard enough are such valuable traits to instill in our children.

5) Recognition
Hallowell describes the importance of recognition stating that "when you learn to do something well and someone else values your having done this, you feel a sense of pride." When our children constantly want to show us something new they have done on the playground, they are asking for our recognition of their accomplishments. When recognizing our children it is more valuable to focus on how they got there, then on what they accomplished. "Wow, you worked really hard and didn't give up." "I really like how you worked together as a team with your brother." It is also imperative that you value and recognize children for who they are and not for your own dreams and goals. 

I recently started reading Take the Stairs, 7 Steps to Achieving True Success by Rory Vaden. His book is about discipline, but for adults. His book contains all kinds of statistics about the amount of time we waste and the ways we get in the way of achieving our dreams. Imagine if we can instill discipline in our children so that they can reach their potential and have a life of happiness. Hallowell describes discipline as "a ticket to free time, mastery and success." He challenges parents to not be afraid of asking our child to follow through and do what is asked and expected of them. When balanced with unconditional love and play, this seems like a reasonable road map to me.

I would love to hear your reactions to this review as well as any personal stories you have about any of the areas discussed. I plan to review and blog about other parenting books in the future but cannot say how often they will happen. Your suggestions on books and your own book reviews are welcome!  

Engagement Tips

 4. Be Present

A friend of mine is a counselor at Lakewood High School, the school that recently won a Katy Perry concert. I was so excited for their school but as I watched the Good Morning America story, all I saw were camera phones. It seemed like so few of the students were actually enjoying the experience, they were too concerned with capturing it. As parents, we want to capture all of our children's precious moments and doing so has become much easier with digital cameras and smart phones. Then with the ability to share the photos on Facebook, Instagram, online photo sites etc. adds another layer to the process. In the meantime, what are we missing out on?

Recently, I have been trying to pay attention to how much time I spend just being with my children. Not in the car, not with the TV on in background, not while folding laundry, not while I am checking email or Facebook- just being with them. Not as much time as I would have thought or that I would like to. When I am just with them, it is amazing the things that I notice. I hear what they love and what they are struggling with. I can't believe how big they are getting and how much they know. Sometimes, I just observe and sometimes I try to put everything else aside and get in there and play with them.  I know, those are the moments we will all remember, not the ones where I was behind a camera or distracted by menial tasks. What happens when you spend 10 minutes a day, just being with your children- totally present and aware?


3. Create Memory Books

Photos capture our memories and are reminders of those special moments. With the invention of digital photography it becomes easier for our photos to remain on our computers and Facebook pages but there is a lot of value in having meaningful photos kept in a book that your children can hold in their hands. It does not have to be fancy- a few photos printed and put into a small album works just fine! The main point is to have something to look at with your children and reminisce.  However, if you are feeling inspired websites like Shutterfly, Mixbook and Smilebox

are great tools for putting together a collection of memories with some narrative. My kids love to read their memory books like any other picture book so I try to write it like a story.

If you are like me and have dozens of photo projects on your to do list, have never even started a baby book for your second child and getting overwhelmed trying to imagine where to start, don't stress. Just pick some recent time that you spent together as a family- a vacation, a day at the pool, a soccer game. Set aside a specific time and work on putting into a memory book whose effort required fits with the amount of time you have. Work on it until it is done but don't worry about it being perfect. And if you are really proud of what you came up with- share it on our Facebook page!

2. Let your child spray you with a hose...
Do you ever notice how much delight children take in watching adults let loose and be silly? I think most of us get a little nostalgic for our own childhood days filled with play, adventure and fun.

My challenge for you this summer is to: play in the rain, walk barefoot in the mud or have a water balloon fight with your children.  Take the opportunity to forget for just a moment or two about how you look and about the mess you will need to clean up afterwords.



1. Build, Build, Build.

Whether it is a train track, a Lego creation or a fort in your living room, building with your child:

1) Engages their fine motor skills;
2) Uses problem solving skills such as creating and following through on a plan;
3) Strengthens perseverance and ability to handle frustration when there are challenges;
4) Provides an opportunity to work constructively with others and
5) Ends with a final product that can provide hours of entertainment!

How to build a fort!

Traveling with Kids Tips

Traveling with Kids Tips

All you have to do is Google "Traveling with Kids" and you will find an endless supply of articles, tips and stories to arm you and your family.  Spend a little time looking on these and focus on your family's trouble spots- ie. packing, entertainment, fears etc. I just wanted to offer a few bits of advice about travel mindset:

• Set realistic expectations

Traveling with children is usually not fun, it is a means to get from one place to another. If you all make it there safe and sound, consider that an accomplishment. If you make it there without a blowout diaper on the plane, puke down your shirt and your son's favorite stuffy left on the plane in North Carolina (happened to us!) then consider yourself lucky!

• Your kids will accept what you bring

I have a particularly hard time with this one. As I write this, I am packing for a road trip and have eight snack choices packed and ready to go. Particularly on a plane trip, where space is limited, you don't need to go overboard. Bring enough snacks to last but don't be over concerned with variety. I also tend to pack too many activities when my boys are perfectly happy making puppets out of the puke bags.

• Let them be when they are happy

This one is kind of tied to the one above. Because I have over packed, I feel the need to go through all the snacks and activities I have brought.  I am constantly offering the boys new things, even when they are already totally engaged or happy staring out the window. Don't interrupt the peace!

• Prep your kids

We have a traveling motto in our family- "Cooperation!" We stress how important it is that we work together. When we are at particularly tricky parts, like getting through security, we let the boys know that this is a really important time for "Cooperation!" The when we make it through without any hitches we celebrate with a family cheer. Transitions are always hard for kids and traveling has so many of them. Give them a basic overview of the trip and then warnings about what will be happening next as you go along. Try to remember to check in with your kids and see how they are feeling throughout the trip.

• Appreciate your time together

This one is also hard for me. In the craziness of getting somewhere, settling in, packing and unpacking it is easy to forget to enjoy. Take enough photos to remember your time but don't forget to get in front of the camera and be in the moment!

Wishing you and your family Bodily Fluid free travels this summer! 

P.S. Usborne has some great activity cards, books and sticker books that don't take up a lot of room! Click here for a few examples or to order:  Usborne Website. Let me know if you need any recommendations!

Summer Bucket List

SUMMER BUCKET LIST

In preparation for this month's newsletter I went to Pinterest to look for some fun summer ideas and like always Pinterest had an overwhelming amount of amazing ideas. The one I like the best was creating a Summer Bucket List!  My brother, whose only child is now in college, for the first time in a LONG time, has the entire summer off. Recently he called me stressed out because he wasn't getting as much fun and relaxing things done as he had hoped!  These days with the constant hustle bustle and dozens of distractions, it is not easy to get into summer or vacation mode.  Whether you have the whole summer off and are stressed about how to entertain your children or wish you had more time to relax, the summer should offer planned and spontaneous opportunities to unwind, play and enjoy your family. Creating a Bucket List might be just the thing you need!

Here's why:
- Working together as a family to create a list of summer activities means that everyone has input;
- Having a list handy will help you quickly find something to do during those "I'm BORED!" moments;
- Checking off things on your Bucket List gives us a sense of accomplishment so we don't feel so guilty about all the fun we're having;
- Including simple outdoor activities like nature scavenger hunts and ice cream on the front porch, helps ensure that you are focused on enjoying time together and
- When that Bucket List does not get completed you have activities to carry over to the Fall or next summer.

How Cute!!! An actual bucket for your summer activities! From A Mom With a Lesson Plan


 Don't forget to include some adult activities that you don't want to miss out on this summer!

And now to Pinterest for some more  inspiration on how to design your Bucket List and what to include:

http://pinterest.com/beingthefunmama/summer-lists/

How to Form a Moms Group- Guest Blog by Melissa Tarr

 

When my oldest child was about 6 months old, I suddenly became aware that most of my friends were childless! I was the first in my circle of friends to have children and realized a growing need to find others who were new parents and experiencing similar things to what I was. I was looking for other mom friends to compare notes with about pediatricians, early childhood milestones, and just to be sleep-deprived with. (Having an accepting group of friends who didn't bat an eyelash when you occasionally showed up with spit-up stains and unwashed hair proved to be priceless!)

Thus I began looking for a "Moms Group" to join. As I didn't have any mom friends at the time, I started my search online. I looked for Moms groups in my area through Google searches and online meet-up sites. Although I attended meet-ups with a few different groups I found through my searches online, I quickly realized the existing groups in my area just didn't fit with what I was looking for. My two biggest problems were that the children in the groups age-ranges were too widespread and the geographical locations of the meet-ups were too far apart. I wanted to find a group of Moms that was close to me and had children with similar ages. So, I started a new one. 

I began by creating a Yahoo group with a detailed description focused on Moms with children whose birthdays were within a year of my child's and whose geographical location included the town I lived in and a few other communities close by. Within a short time of starting the group, a few local moms joined and then spread mainly by word-of-mouth.  The group quickly expanded to more than twenty members. This number meant that the group was big enough that most events would have good attendance but not so large that you did not feel connected to most of the group.

Once up and running, I recruited help from other moms in the group to put events on the calendar, share community events, and give input. Everyone has something to bring to the table, and keeping it a group effort proved successful for our Moms group and kept things more informative and interesting.

Activities were both planned ahead of time and added last minute, as impromptu play-dates came up. They were hosted at public places (i.e. parks, playgrounds, library) as well as at the homes of group members. When the kids were smaller more regular events seemed popular, including regular park play-dates, coffee meet-ups, and library story times that were put on the calendar monthly. Some of the more popular monthly events often revolved around holidays and included holiday cookie exchanges, costume parties, Easter egg hunts, visits to the pumpkin patch, berry farms, etc. 

As our kids got older, our schedules got crazier, and siblings were added into the mix, the events seemed to get smaller, more personal, and less planned. For instance, if someone was planning to visit the zoo the next day, they might send a note to the group inviting anyone who was free to join them. Families with more in common, similar schedules, and/or kids the same ages tended to attend more last minute, smaller gatherings together and friendships grew.

As the years have passed, the group has evolved greatly. It began with large meet-ups and an eclectic mix of people and personalities. Over time, friendships have blossomed and people have drawn together into the comfort of smaller groups within the umbrella of the original moms group. Though regular play-dates are a thing of the past, the group now serves as more of an on-going parenting resource...to gather opinions and share resources with one another. We share information about community events, babysitters, and all things parenting related in addition to getting together to blow off steam at Moms only events.

Tips for starting a Mom's group:

- Identify key things you want from the group (i.e. location, ages, common interests, etc.)

- Utilize free resources such as Yahoo Groups, Google, Facebook etc...to set up a website and keep in touch with members, organize play dates, share information, etc.

- Spread the word! Mention the group to Moms at the Library's story times, parks, and the grocery store. 

- Share the load. Though the group may begin with one or a few individuals, be sure to find a way to include and get input from everyone. The group will be richer for it!

- Include a variety of activities that are recurring as well as impromptu. This will help busy moms with varied schedules find something they can fit in.

This network of ladies and their awesome children have been an invaluable influence in my family's lives and I am so thankful for their friendship and support...nearly 5 years later! I hope that you will be able to create a similar community of support for yourself.

Turning "I CAN"T do it!" into "LOOK what I did!"

All of us experience occasional frustration with new or challenging tasks. Setting up a website, blog, e-newsletter, Facebook page etc. the last few months has had its fair share of frustrations. There have been times when I want to throw my laptop across the room or just have myself a good cry. Many times, I build up the tasks in my head to be so awful that I am already frustrated before I even start.Why then should I be surprised when my boys express the same kind of frustration and avoidance tactics?

Yesterday the boys wanted to do backwards somersaults. Their initial attempts ended up with them crashing into walls or just toppling over on their sides. When I explained that I could teach them how to do it, you would have thought I had asked them to eat a plate of mushrooms and onions. They wanted nothing to do with having to sit through my demonstrations or having to practice the steps that would eventually lead to a real backwards somersault. I persevered though and eventually they sat still long enough to watch me muster through the fundamentals of the backwards somersault (thankfully without any personal injuries). They put their hand up by their ears and practiced rolling backwards until they gained the momentum to hurl themselves over. We cheered wildly at their accomplished feats and their pride was written all over their smiling faces.

Although I felt a little crazy at the time, demanding that they follow through on learning such a trivial act, I had a feeling that there were some bigger issues at play. I wanted to help the boys understand how good it feels when you don't give up and you learn something new. I wanted them to overcome their frustrations. I wanted them to know that even fun activities sometimes take a little work and practice.

The same day my older son became very agitated while putting together a new Lego set. I suggested that he take a little break and come back to it. Meanwhile, I would try to work on it. The Ninjago Great Devourer was NOT easy to put together. The snake tail was made of all these separate pieces and when you would try to put them together... SMASH! They all fell apart and you had to start over, again and then again. "Argh! I am so frustrated." I said. My son looked at me. Uh oh, how was I going to handle this teaching moment when what I wanted to do was throw the pieces across the room. "I think I will take a little break," I said. "Wow, that is not easy, is it? Why don't have snack and come back to it?" When we returned a bit later, both in a better space, we worked together and slowly and carefully put that snake together and it is pretty cool.

So, later when I introduced the boys to my favorite X-box game- Fusion Frenzy, I felt armed with ideas about how to help them overcome their frustrations. The game is made up of all these mini competitions that they should have loved like smashing bugs and bumping each other's bumper boats of the edge of platform. They were not feats you would necessarily be good at the first time though, they took practice. At first they just wanted to keep switching games thinking the next one would be easier. Once they realized they were all hard, they wanted to quit. I found a game I thought would be fairly easy to get better at in a short period of time and made them play it again and again and again. Yes, had to make them play a video game! I cheered them on and gave instructions as they played. I celebrated with high fives and excited announcements of how their scores were going up. In the end, we all had fun and felt good about our accomplishments. For me, not getting frustrated with their frustrations was a feat.

Often times we confuse frustration with avoidance or defiance. Sometimes the feelings our kids have when they are frustrated are so intense that they scream, throw things, cry, hurt their little brother etc. We mistakenly think that our child is able to do what we have asked them to without help, guidance or encouragement. Or we let them give up on a task, unintentionally teaching that they are not capable. Instead, next time your child becomes frustrated with a task, be it homework, learning to ride a bike or catch a ball, put together a Lego set etc., try out some of these suggestions:
- Help your child identify their feelings. "You seem really frustrated with this task."
- Ask your child if they want to take a break and to come back later then they are feeling calmer.
- Talk about how it felt when you were frustrated with a task and then how good it felt to work at it and get  better or accomplish it.
-Remind your child of a time when they overcame their frustrations and mastered a new task. 
-When the opportunity arises, show that you too get frustrated and role model how to overcome those feelings.
- Break a big task into smaller, achievable tasks. 
- Encourage their efforts with supportive words and cheer them along.
- Focus on the skills they demonstrate over the results such as sticking with it, working hard, calming themselves down etc. 
- Make a big deal when they accomplish the task that seemed insurmountable.
- Break the unhelpful mood with humor or a fun activity and then go back to the task. 

Try not to:
- Make them push through without acknowledging that they are struggling or offering some help or redirection.
- Do it for them.
- Let them give up. (Unless it truly is a task that is above their developmental capacity. Then it is better to explain that they are not old enough yet, but the time will come when they can try again.)
-Make comparisons to siblings or other kids who find the task easy.

Next time I need to work on my website, maybe I will ask the boys to be my cheer-leading team.

Reading at Bedtime

Reading at Bedtime

As parent’s and caregivers our responsibilities are vast and many times overwhelming. We fret about our children’s health and safety, their social skills and friendships, their intelligence and school performance and on and on. We want to give them all the advantages and building blocks they need to be happy and successful. We want to foster their strengths and help them overcome their challenges.  All while balancing the hundreds of other things we have to do.

What I try to remember for myself is that spending any amount of time with your children where you are truly focused on them and the activity you are doing is the most valuable and important time you can spend together.

For me, reading books at bedtime is a precious time for connecting with my boys and trying to impart some parental wisdom. Snuggled up on the couch or in their beds, I have an easier time being present. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the pull of post-sleep adult time elicits a strong desire to speed through the process, but mostly I cherish the time and try to make the most of the undivided attention we can give each other.  

Here’s some tips for creating a fun bedtime reading routine:

How to survive the favorite book

Although you may feel like you are going to lose it if you have to go on a Bear Hunt one more time, there are many benefits for the repetition of reading the same book over and over.  Here are some suggestions to make it tolerable:

•  Use your child’s love of their favorite book to your advantage

At one point, I felt like poor little Chang and wasn't sure if I could say Tikki Tikki TemboNo Sa Rembo one more time. But, by that time, my youngest had the name and much of the story memorized.  Often I would say “I am pretty tired tonight, can you tell me the story?” I would have to help him sometimes with questions like “What did Chang do next?” or by reading the beginning of a sentence but he could usually get us through the story pretty well.

• Make games out of the book

My husband’s favorite game is to say the wrong words to the boy’s favorite books. “Twinkle, Twinkle little JAR.” “No dad, STAR!” they squeal in delight.

Just as Goodnight Moon was beginning to be intolerable, we discovered there was a mouse on each of the colored pages. Sometimes the mouse is in an obvious place but sometimes it was a mini game of search and find to locate the little guy.

Here are some Stephen Cartwright books from Usborne Books & More with a little duck on each page.

• Spin offs

Finding the mouse in Goodnight Moon with my second son was not quite as novel, so I was overjoyed when their older cousin who works in a bookstore sent us Goodnight iPad. There must be thousands of versions of every Disney story, Fairy Tale and many others. Try different versions to shake things up.   Try different books by the same author.   We love borrowing books from our local library because the books are just borrowed and so even if we read one endlessly it can be return in two weeks.

Here are some Usborne Books & More Fairy Tale books. They come in collections, beautiful laser cut flap books and even ones with masks to act out the story!

 And then move on

Okay, enough is enough. Sometimes it is up to you to expand your child’s horizons and show them what else is out there. How can they truly know what their favorite book, subject or character is when there are so many they haven’t met yet.  I have different tolerance levels for my sons’ favorites. Thomas the Train and Dora the Explorer quickly make it to my “If I have to read this book one more time, I am going to GAG” List.  Some of my favorites are ones my boys would never select but do enjoy once I start reading.  So, generally I have them pick one book to read and I get to pick the other. I have been known to gently or humorously dissuade them from their “Gag” book of the week. “I can’t do it! I can’t read another Star Wars book. Please DON’T MAKE ME DO IT! But, if you let me pick the book tonight, we can read Star Wars tomorrow.”

Your child WILL forgive you and maybe even deep down appreciate it if you limit how many times he or she reads the same book over and over. Your child’s comprehension will naturally grow and the books on his book shelf should match his current level.

That isn't to say that you shouldn't try to select books that your children will enjoy. The Broomfield Public Library has these great bookmarks with lists of books in different categories and I'm sure your library does as well. This was a life saver when my eldest was going through his Thomas the Train obsession, refusing to read any book that didn't at least have a train in it.  As we were exploring train books it was fun to rediscover the Little Engine that Could, one of my childhood favorites. And of course the internet is a great resource for book lists of all kinds.

Nibbles the Book Monster has become a favorite book for Usborne Books & More fans across the county. There are so many little details in the delightful book that it will take many a read to tire of it.

The right tip at the right time

You have probably read the literature on how to create a reader and prepare your child for school. There are often many helpful tips. Most of the time though, they make me feel guilty that I am not doing enough. So I try to remember that my ultimate goal is to foster a love of reading.  Your child is much more likely to love books if they believe you love them too, if they are engaged and if reading with you is fun (for both of you).

Yes, it will help your child’s reading comprehension if you put your finger under each word as you read but, you are kind of wasting your time with your infant who can’t even begin to comprehend the meaning of what a word is.  ISo try to use your common sense about what ages to utilize different reading strategies.  Do what feels natural. Usborne's Very First Reading Set was one of the main reasons I joined the company. Besides the fact that the books get progressively more difficult and have a dual reader feature... they have little activities at the end that showed me how to help my kiddos differentiate between words, ask questions to see if they were comprehending the story and so much more!  

Reading with different voices is fun, occasionally, but it is definitely not my strong suit. I forget what voice goes with what character, I drop the voices altogether mid-way through, I am embarrassed by my own lack of ability in this area. Some books like  I absolutely cannot read without my gruffest voice “Who’s that trip trappin over my bridge?” 

As I mentioned above, sometimes we just want our kids to go to sleep and that is okay. At least once a week, maybe on the weekend, have some reading time where you go with the flow a little and don’t stick to the two books a night rule. Ask your child questions and let the conversation go where they lead it. It is amazing to hear what they have to say about the world when we stop to listen.